SLUM'CAT' 100%PERCENTILER

If there are images in this attachment, they will not be displayed. Download the original attachment
( Police remand room..Constable Shinde interrogating a guy who has scored 100% in
CAT English..)
Shinde: M******d …!!!! sach bataa …tell me how did u ,a ‘farzi’ engineer, managed to answer them all..how?? how??

Seksarian: Sir….ouch…aaah … ( it pains not even speaking but also in thinking, some of the left
out nerves n dead brain cells are badly injured ,given to 12 hrs of some cozy 3rd degree hospitality..)
"I knew the answers… aaah..!!"

Shinde: u bloody son of bitch.. (slams him...)

Seksarian: aaaah …ah ahhh?!?!?

Shinde : Don’t u know if derz smone whom Kasab fears …?? its Shinde..huh , m I not dreary
enough to aghast a hapless ‘musketeer’ like u…??( and shrewd enuf to make a hideaway while Kasab was spitting fire..hahahaha)
Seksarian: Believe me sir, I knew them…

Shinde: Do i look like an asshole to u…..??? my Mohan , wid al the perspiration managed a 60….and an u engineering student…how come 100 %ile . A bookworm growing on ’Webster’ for last 100 years wont be having them in his crap …don’t fool me…

Seksarian: I knew them…sir...

Shinde: Salaam saahab…!!

Inspector: Kya shinde …any progress..??

Shinde: No sir, the moron has stuck to ‘ I knew the answer’…

Inspector: So, what does he think , he’ll get away wid the treachery this easily…he isn’t sitting
before a Manmohan Singh….this isn’t the case of a terrorist killing a few hundred people…ur’s is a grave sin.. we aren’t going to leave u as easily as this. I am sure of the fact that it cant be u who can afford to answer them , u being a seksarian…and additionally from MP a ‘bhaiyya’….a ‘bhaiyyo’ instead …tu indori hai na…. My nephew is a seksarian and a cat aspirant from last decade..still managing to fight for half century in English.. I smell a ‘Wronga-lingam Raju’ in u..(slams him..)

Seksarian: Ah..bachaao..sir, spare me sir…spare me..If knowing the answers correctly is my
crime ,then I hv committed..

Inspector: Oye b*****i ke ….dont be filmy..bataa kaise kiya tune….if u hv struck some alladins
lamp for the same…mujhe chupke se bataa de..my son is in queue for nxt years cat..uski lyf ban jaegi… n I promise ,tujhe bachaa loonga….

Seksarian: No sir, nothing such..

Inspector: Don’t pakao me…I hv heard enuf now..tell me if u are a kin of Arjun Singh or hv a
jugaad wid some suborn IIM prof then..

Seksarian: Sir, plz believe sir..

Inspector: Shinde …bring a measuring tape and count the size of his brain..just check his
cerebrum is enuf for such an out-of-the-world performance….

Shinde: (measures wid the tape…) sahib its only 2 inches…less than the national average…

Inspector: 2 inches…huh..pathetic cerebrum height….pakka saala ‘cerebral height’ jaata hoga… Yes, now I get hv got it how this fool has done this…yeah yeah…his so-called coaching is behind all this…I think their motto has changed to ‘leak karke dikhayenge’…otherwise even an angrez teaching English in Oxford for 25 years wont be able to solve such an iron-nut like cat English...shinde ,this is a conspiracy…goddamit..We need Fbi to look into the matter…

Shinde: Right saahab...now that u hv cracked the racket we should leave the moron here and
move ahead.. Sun oye b*****d, are u singing something or want ‘ass’icure from us…

Inspector: Tell me ur final statement…I hv other affair to watch out for as well…Raj Thakre se
appointment hain..he wants me to help him buy some roses for the valentine’s day…

Seksarian: Sir plzzz, plz believe me, there’s a story ..its all coincidence..i admit that being a
seksarian m as ignorant as Shoaib Akhtar to controversies…but u can call it sheer luck that I happened to know all the answers..i fortuitously confronted these many words in my college lyf… Sir, its all luck-by-chance..sir plz let me explain..

Inspector: ok ..bol...

Seksarian: It was my 3rd year in college..All my amorous dreams dreamt in school days were
shattering…college was going to end in a year and I was still unable to woo a lady.. frns talking late night to their gfs and courting couples in malls n parks really worsened the fire within. I was frustratingly desperate. Thanks to a serving-to-help-fosla website, which claimed that once u follow it u can make Paris Hilton drool over u in a weeks tym..!!!, i was about to do something substantial. Theoretically prepared I plunged myself into d act …it was some high-end-but-not-within-my-end coffee shop..carefully scanning d milieu , I took a seat..in d next table was a femme fatale all alone..gathering all the acquired chivalry, I asked her for company…firstly she
dubiously glanced me (me still oozing wid confidence) n then she thrashed me wid ‘m sick of ‘suffragette’ like u…’ d next thing I did was searched ‘suffragette’..Though it was irrelevant usage ,but I got d inherent intension…..Sir, this was how I knew d first word in the cat paper…n nothing else than that..

Inspector: hmmm..Interesting..!!! So, u say all of those came to u this way..??

Seksarian: absolutely sir… Here’s the next one.. It was season of placements..me wid my meager score to my credit wasn’t eligible for any of the companies…finally the five-point-someone decides to break the silence and shows democratic chauvinism..I mustered the courage to question the draconian TPO about what he was doing to help ‘place’ a disgraced like me..and guess what happened next …I missed an ear-plug the most for next half an hour..but to permeability of my unconsciousness, I noticed ‘sylvan’ was the term I was crowned wid maximum no. of times in that thirty minute period….sylvan ..i checked ..meant ‘junglee’, me and
junglee ..how come?? ..leave him alone wid his ‘animal planet’ schizophrenia.. I m thankful to him today that it helped me crack cat…

Inspector: Perfect script..what else..kya baaki bhi aise hi aaye tujhe.. Records show u knew the
word ‘venal’..Explain…

Seksarian: Sir, d next one goes like this.. Feb 2007, Aayaam- reveal ur dimensions, so-called college annual fest was on its high..the guys were working day n night to make it successful..sucess merely meant making black lucre..more the cooked bills, more the fraudery..more the money n eventually more the ‘success’..revealing the dark dimensions and proving every bit of it. In the meanwhile,I met on of my English-crazy ethics-committed frn and
questioned him of not being involved in the event..one has to be ‘venal’ to do all that..he said, ’venal’ I didn’t knew the meaning nor did I ask him,as I considered it to be depreciatory to my
image…I searched for the word , it meant ‘saleable’ ,’not honest’..i too was involved in Aayam but wasn’t ‘for sale’..i feel it was derogatory…par apan jaise superkool ko koi fark nahi padta… sir, that’s how I knew ‘venal’..

Inspector: kkk… absorbing enuf...But listen u cant fool me…aage suna…

Seksarian: Sir cant we stop it here…I think I hv innocuously justified my innocence..

Inspector: Jackass u !!! I wont let u make easily into any of those IIMs by cheating n then make big bucks... n I'll duly prove it to u shitter..tell me who all were involved…

Seksarian: Every piece of what I hv told u is true..plz let me tell u further.. sir the next word was ‘inebriated’..it seemed strangely quaint once I saw it in the paper..but somewhere down I got the feeling that I had come across it before..yes, yaad aa gaya..it was that finally one of the companies with ground level low criterion..n some witty interview (he thinks that way..) performance won me the job…yes man yes!!the Alexander-like-world-winner feeling overtook me..i knew it was tym to indulge and that to the fullest..now it was the turn for me wid my spoilt frns to go on a intoxicating spree..one day, in fact one night while hopping around in pub-crawl, we were caught in ‘driving while drinking’ (not the usual drinking n driving) or ‘drinking while driving’..then next straight into luxury suite of police station..now what…all the pleading n begging meant we’ll be freed next day n we have to part wid two months of pocket money …
And then what happened..Shouldn’t hv...we rose to the celebrity infamy as we were in the morning newspaper doing proud to our college n fraternity…the newspaper read ‘ four students caught inebriated last night….’ Sir, I still hv the paper-cutting and can present u as evidence..

Inspector: Shinde isn’t it very filmy..These kids are spoilt for choice…and now its that bloody
angrez’s fault, who inspires the frauds that they come up wid leak-proof stories..wats his name shinde..??

Shinde: Sir, Boyle, I think..

Inspector: Whatever…u go ahead..

Seksarian: Next in the cat paper was ‘ in labore quies’..

Inspector: What.?? What all languages do they ask...sanskrit aur farsi bhi puuchhte hain kya…?
Seksarian: No sir, its Latin…n all credit to Steve Jobs..

Inspector: Did he tell that word personally to u..?

Seksarian: No sir, actually, it was a Steve’s video where he motivates individuals to work hard n achieve their dream..i was so overawed by him..That I did swear to hard work like my high school days…I was altogether a different man now..Motivated..wid a sense of aim.., I felt I needed a constant reminder to keep my ass on fire..Now started a search for quotes so that I cud stick it to the walls n to the brain..but cant find one appealing enuf…until I discovered ‘ in labore quies’ ….which means… ‘Hard work brings peace of mind’..Its still there on d wall of my room...albeit the new found vigor lasted hardly a fortnight…m still indebted to Steve Jobs..sir,mercy..chhod do plz..

Inspector: hhmmmm..Shinde chai laa…

Seksarian: Sir, next word I solved correctly was ‘hectoring’…again I thank my abstainism from
studies for my success…having seen more no of movies than days in four years..m a walking cinematic encyclopedia(and a record holder in B & C grade movie viewing) …I straightaway knew the meaning of ‘hectoring’, as it comes from the root ‘hector’ … yes hector, Hector the brave ..Hector of Troy…aur fir kya thaa..all is did was darkened the oval…
Inspector: Is it over ya aur kuchh bhi hai…

Seksarian: Yes sir abhi toh asli wala bacha hai…this is the one for which I really did put some effort…

Inspector: Ohho !! hows that possible..

Seksarian: Sir in the initial days of my cat preparation I was asked to improve my language, for n advised to read a lot. I started reading newspaper, novel, magazines..cudnt stick my mind to any of those..n wasn’t gaining anything either..then I got all useful counsel from my frn..’read what ur interest is’ was the latest funda to follow…I started introspecting of what my interest was..History, geography, philosophy were passé..Business and politics were not for me..how can a person hv no interest…socha bahut socha...there was one consistent,persistent n other many –tents interest in me…’porn’ was the name of the game.. This was case of turning an adversity to an opportunity..I took to reading porn not just reading,but thinking,eating,breathing in fact living porn..Welcome to the world of fancy fantasies-fairies, love-lust, escalations-depressions, fixations-culmination ah ah ah.. I benefitted a lot from it,(though least bout d language n more of anatomy, physiology ..n other logies including story writing..yaar I hv to be euphemistic… samjho..) n felt visible improvement.. ‘masochism’ was only a pie for me to munch.. .i cud have easily written a 100 marks essay, if was asked to, on ‘masochism’.. that’s it sir, ab chhod do..i have explain every bit now..plz let me go meri 'vatika' is waiting for me..Sir plzz..$&$*$* %&#&*?@#......"
"JAI HO!!! ......"